Rules and Regs of internet dating

Dear people of the internet,

The social networking phenomenon is equal parts social revolution and complete degradation of human interaction. It's great that we can talk, flirt, reject and love people all from the comfort of our computer chairs. Apparently we as a society have become so busy that it is nearly impossible to meet people in the 'real world' so we have retreated to the comfort of the world wide web to embark on this search for love. For those of us not fortunate to be able to have a reality show to find our rock/flavor of love the internet has given us the means to riffle through the 'available' people of our respective cities at a breakneck pace. Personally I have met some amazing people off the internet, I can shamelessly say that I have profiles on several gay 'dating' sites and while most of the people on there are looking to get off some are actually decent human beings. Again, Some, not all.

I find it interesting that even the hetero community has embraced internet dating as an acceptable method for meeting people. For us gays, the internet provided a safe space where we could explore our curiosities without fear of being rejected by that 'straight guy at the club'. It is also a great way of getting a feel for people without having to go through the whole 'actual date' process of getting to know you. How much easier is it having an hour long internet conversation then actually going out and talking face to face with someone for the same amount of time? If you're bored you can put on music, watch some TV, eat some candy all while feigning complete involvement in a conversation. Multi-taskers dream!

On the other hand it completely negates all the subtleties that you can receive from real 'face time', seeing the other persons expressions, hearing the tone and inflection in another persons voice. These elements are probably the most important factor in deciding if you have any real 'chemistry'. Maybe I am just old school but I kind miss the 'organic' nature of finding love. If love is truly a chemical reaction that boils inside us when we meet that special person doesn't the internet serve as the complete antithesis to this process? Maybe, I always found it really weird when people say they have developed feelings for someone they have never met in real life.

If love is a battlefield then the internet has become our battle ground. And with any war that has been waged specific stratagem and 'rules of engagement' must be followed. That said I propose a few ground rules for those who decide to participate in this form of sexy warfare:

1. Be yourself - one of the first things a gay guy asks for when engaging in internet flirting is your 'stats'. This is their way of really asking are you old, short, fat or have a small penis. Under the guise of 'stats' we are allowed to form a picture of what this person looks like. More often than not people are NEVER how they describe themselves. In fairness it does give you an approximation of how the person is. General rule of thumb, it is best to give a 10 pound or 1 inch leeway in all descriptions. We've all been disappointed to many times.

2. Be honest about what you want - there is nothing more obnoxious then being 3 sentences into a conversation when the person asks 'so what are you looking for?'. Most time people are 'looking for' something to alleviate their current boredom, but sometimes conversations lead to something more substantial. My stock answer to this is always 'I'm not sure', while to some this may appear to be indecisiveness it is actually a calculated way of really saying 'let me decide if I actually wanna talk to you'.

3. If you think someone is cool don't hesitate - my favorite people I have met off the internet are those I have met immediately after having our first internet conversation. If someone is cool on the net then they are probably cool in real life. Not so fast. This is why I like to do an obligatory first contact phone call when someone seems interesting. That way you can figure out if they can carry a convo outside of the keyboard. I just never understood why people carry on conversations weeks at a time without ever meeting in real life. ABSENCE DOES NOT MAKE MY HEART GROW FONDER!

The internet is a great place to 'meet' people In this day and age of disposable dating it's provided a safe easy way of rifling through all the garbage people out there. At the same time it has made it that much harder keeping people interest with the next available date is at the click of a button. The key here is to stay true to who you are and treat people the same way that you want to be treated. It is easy to be dismissive the block/delete function of msn is just an icon away from eliminating a person from your life. Keep in mind that dating will always be hard, even if the internet has created a more convenient way of getting our fix.

XOXO
S.A.M